Men with no female friends? Therapist says it could be a red flag

Pop culture and conventional wisdom suggest that it is perfectly okay for a man who is in a relationship to have other women as friends. But a therapist named Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland with over 20 years of experience, says it is, in fact, a significant red flag.

Also Read | Are you in a karmic relationship? Signs, meaning and what an astrologer says

'Men having no female friends is a red flag'

Taking to his Instagram account, Jeff posted a reel explaining that men having no women as friends while being in a relationship is actually a red flag and not a green flag. He explained in his Instagram reel that some people think that if a straight man has no female friends, it means his girlfriend or wife doesn’t have to worry about him being tempted or cheating. But Jeff disagrees; he believes that just because a man has no female friends, it doesn’t automatically mean there’s no risk or that the relationship is more secure. In other words, Jeff thinks the girlfriend’s interpretation is probably wrong.

He says, “If your man has zero women as friends, not one, that is actually the red flag. I know that’s the opposite of what a lot of you are saying out there. The narrative is that friendships with women are a threat, but here’s what I actually see from a therapist’s perspective after working with men for 20 years. Men who genuinely like women, not just want them or need them, have platonic relationships with women as friends, mentors, and colleagues. They actually respect them.”

He explains, “When you see a man talking and spending time with women he’s not related to or romantically interested in, that’s what real trust and safety look like in a relationship. It also shows that the man sees women as whole, complex people and not just in roles like girlfriend, mother, or coworker.”

He further says, “And when you see how he moves with those women—comfortable, easy, with no weird charge to it—that’s actually what security feels like. That’s what you’ve been looking for. If the only women in his life are people he’s related to or people he’s pursuing, what does that tell you about how he sees women? It tells you he doesn’t see them as full people. He sees them as roles: mother, partner, potential. That’s about it.”

Also Read | Budget-friendly blinds: How old newsprint beats store-bought curtains

Does controlling your partner actually help?

Limiting one’s social circle can have negative effects. Some women believe that if they control who their partner talks to or spends time with, it will protect them from getting hurt and keep the relationship strong. But Jeff says that’s not true. In fact, trying to manage your partner’s friendships or activities doesn’t make you safer. It can create distrust, make your partner feel trapped, and damage the relationship instead of protecting it. Real safety comes from trust and honest communication, not from control.

The therapist bluntly stated in the reel, “If he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat.” He added, “What you're actually doing when you isolate him from female friendships is incredibly controlling, and it kind of guarantees you end up with a man who has no idea how to relate to half the human population.”

Jeff explained that if a man has women in his life as friends, not girlfriends or romantic interests, it shows he has a healthy and mature view of the world. He understands that women are not just for dating or romance.