If you have ever found yourself thinking about someone constantly, replaying conversations or feeling a rush when they text back, psychologists say it may not always be love. This intense emotional state is often described as limerence, a form of romantic obsession that can shape thoughts, moods and behaviour for long periods.

What is limerence?

The term was first introduced by American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s while studying romantic attraction. She described limerence as a psychological state marked by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency and a strong desire for reciprocation.

In this state, a person becomes fixated on what is often called a "limerent object". The individual may idealise this person, seeing them as perfect, even with limited real interaction. Studies suggest that many people may experience limerence at least once in their lives, though it is often mistaken for genuine love.

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Why limerence feels so real

Psychologists say limerence can closely resemble the early stages of falling in love. British psychologist Giulia Poerio, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Sussex, explained the nature of this experience. "Limerence involves persistent, intrusive thoughts about another person and a strong desire for emotional reciprocation," Poerio was quoted as saying by The Times of India.

She added that the intensity comes from how deeply these thoughts take over. "It's a real cognitive invasion of your mind," she said, noting that the emotional rewards can make the experience feel addictive.

The combination of anticipation and uncertainty creates cycles of emotional highs and lows, similar to patterns seen in addictive behaviour.

The brain's role in romantic obsession

Researchers studying attraction point to the role of brain chemistry in limerence. The TOI report quoted Dr Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute, who has described how early romantic attraction affects the brain. "Romantic love is one of the most powerful brain systems humans have evolved," explained Fisher.

These early stages can produce intense emotional reactions. However, experts note that long-term relationships depend on stability, communication and mutual understanding, not just the heightened emotions linked to limerence.

One of the strongest triggers of limerence is uncertainty. When the other person sends mixed signals or the relationship remains undefined, the emotional pull can grow stronger.

Small interactions, a message, a compliment or a brief moment of attention, can create excitement, while periods of silence can lead to emotional lows. This unpredictable pattern often keeps the cycle going.

Role of modern dating and social media

Experts say modern technology may be intensifying limerence. Social media and dating apps allow constant access to a person's life, making it harder for emotional attachment to fade.

Relationship psychologist Dr Alexandra H Solomon noted how imagination fills the gaps in such situations. "When we don’t truly know someone, we often fill in the gaps with fantasy." She added, "The apps and social media provide access to inputs and data about the object of your desire."

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This continuous exposure can reinforce obsessive thinking rather than allowing feelings to settle.

How long does limerence last?

Tennov's research suggested that limerence typically lasts between 18 months and three years, though it can continue longer in some cases. During this time, people may struggle with concentration, mood swings and persistent daydreaming.

While limerence and love may feel similar, psychologists highlight key differences. Love tends to grow through shared experiences and emotional stability. Limerence, on the other hand, is often driven by fantasy, uncertainty and idealisation.

Can it be managed?

Mental health professionals say recognising limerence is the first step. Approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy, reducing contact and challenging idealised thoughts may help break the cycle.

Understanding limerence can help people identify patterns in their relationships and move towards more balanced emotional connections.