Many are familiar with terms like 'ghosting' and 'gaslighting'. Suddenly cutting off communication, constantly monitoring one's partner, being suspicious, inflicting mental torture—these types of toxic behaviours are now given specific names. This time, 'ghostlighting' has entered the list of dating terms. The word 'ghostlighting' is formed by combining 'ghosting' and 'gaslighting'.
What is ghostlighting?
Ghostlighting is also a toxic behaviour. Here too, the partner suddenly cuts off communication. But before cutting off communication, the partner behaves in such a way that all the blame falls on you. In other words, they continuously make you believe that it's because of your mistakes that they no longer want to maintain the relationship. All the blame for suddenly breaking the relationship becomes yours, even without your knowledge.
How does ghostlighting work?
Before ending the relationship, the ghostlighter gradually shifts all the blame onto their partner. They create situations where it appears that the relationship was truly ruined because of the partner's mistakes. The partner also begins to feel guilty at some point. This damages mental health and reduces self-confidence.
How harmful is ghostlighting?
The ghostlighter returns after some time and behaves as if nothing happened. Suddenly, they act as if they never ghosted you. They behave as if they had no role in breaking the relationship.
Ghostlighting is extremely harmful to your mental health. Manipulation works here too. You are manipulated into thinking that the relationship broke because of your fault. That person ghosted you because of your mistakes. You continuously blame yourself.
How to recognize ghostlighting?
In the early stages of a relationship, one should pay more attention to behaviour than words. In this case, you can ask yourself some questions. For example, is your partner keeping their word, are they maintaining regular communication, etc? If your partner suddenly cuts off communication and returns after some time to behave 'normally', it's better not to go back a second time. But if your partner realises their mistake and apologises, then you can consider giving them a second chance.
