Cheating is widely seen as one of the biggest threats to a relationship. But what about behaviours that fall short of full-blown infidelity? A therapist has shed light on the idea of "microcheating", suggesting that not all such actions hold the same meaning. He also divides the concept into two distinct types, arguing that one can harm a relationship while the other may be harmless.
What is microcheating?
Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, discussed the term in an Instagram post on March 27. Microcheating, he explained, refers to small actions that may not be labelled as cheating but can signal reduced loyalty toward a partner.
According to him, these behaviours fall into two different categories. One involves secrecy and deception, while the other reflects everyday attraction that does not necessarily threaten a relationship.
"I think there are actually two different kinds. There's the kind that comes with a little bit of deceit, like texting an ex and deleting the evidence, or saving a cute new friend under a fake name," said Jeff. "The deceit microcheating sucks, and you should not do that. Case closed. That type should keep the name microcheating because it's cheating."
The 'innocent' version
Jeff described a second type that he considers less problematic. "There's the kind (of microcheating) that's not shady at all. More like having an impromptu flirt with a barista, an innocent crush on a professor, or lingering on a video of a hot content creator, you know?"
He suggested that such moments of attraction could instead be viewed as "flickers" rather than cheating. According to him, these experiences can exist without undermining commitment, especially when partners trust each other.
When it may work in a relationship
Jeff noted that openness and security are key. If partners are comfortable acknowledging brief attractions, it may not create conflict. He added that bringing that energy back into the relationship could even strengthen connection, as long as boundaries remain clear.
"Microcheating implies deceit and betrayal. Flickers are fun and normal, and in my opinion, or at least in my relationships, shouldn't be hidden and can actually make you feel more connected to your partner," expressed Jeff.
"Obviously, it is up to you whether you're comfortable with your partner telling you about their flickers, but I love that it stops making normal human attraction into a relationship crime," he added.
