Just thinking about the first days of falling in love or the days before entering a relationship fills the heart with joy. Even after talking to one person all day, there's no fatigue. Only one person's thoughts keep circling in the mind. If there's no conversation for a while or no news is received, you start missing them. At that time, your focus and attention are on just one person. While this sounds sweet, this phenomenon is not always very good. Often, we ourselves don't know what we want. Though everything seems pleasant at first, gradually that enchantment begins to fade. Then many people realise that it was actually just an infatuation.
Again, sometimes that infatuation becomes so deep that many people mistake it for deep love. Its duration, however, is not as brief as infatuation. Rather, this feeling can remain in the mind for months to even years.
Where did this concept come from?
The term 'limerence' was first used by American psychologist Dorothy Tennov. Tennov observed that many people have this tendency. Those who suffer from such intense obsession with a particular person that they are constantly busy thinking about them. They weave romantic relationship fantasies in their own minds and remain preoccupied with them. This is actually much more than an ordinary crush. Tennov also revealed in her research that limerence is quite normal. About 50 per cent of people become victims of limerence at least once in their lives. They mistake obsession or infatuation for deep love.
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How can you tell if you're also suffering from limerence?
The main symptom of limerence is intense attraction toward someone, becoming extremely happy upon receiving even slight attention from them. Conversely, feeling extremely hurt even by the slightest neglect. They start over-analysing that person's reactions or behaviour, weaving webs of imagination in their own minds. For example, starting to suffer from anxiety even if a message reply comes late.
According to experts, limerence is usually seen more in uncertain or unclear relationships. When the future of a relationship is not clear or when the other person doesn't express their feelings clearly, this condition continues to worsen. As a result, the person moves away from reality and starts magnifying the relationship in their imagination.
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This is primarily linked to the brain's dopamine-driven response. The excitement, expectations, and uncertainty of new love combine to create a kind of 'high' in the brain. This draws a person even more toward that individual. But this feeling is not permanent, and over time it can become a cause of frustration or mental exhaustion.
What's the difference between limerence and love?
There's a big difference between limerence and true love. True love involves mutual understanding, stability, and respect. But limerence involves restlessness, excessive dependency, and fantasy-proneness.
How to get out of this situation?
To emerge from this condition, it's first essential to understand your own feelings. Accepting reality, giving importance to your own life and goals, and setting boundaries are extremely important. Taking help from friends or specialists when needed can also be beneficial.
Limerence is such a mental trap where false notions of love are created. As romantic as it may seem, it's equally complex in reality. Therefore, to build healthy relationships, maintaining reality, self-respect, and balance is essential.
